For the past 5ish years I've been convinced that I was going to end up with a firefighter. After my last relationship about 6 years ago I had prayed to God asking Him that the next person I date would be the last person I date. Which, by the way, I don't recommend saying that prayer out loud, unless you really mean it. Looking back, I would have probably really reflected on that. Just giving you fair warning :)
Back to the story. So, as I was dozing off and falling asleep that night, I "heard" a voice in my head that said, "Firefighter" and I said, "yeah, firefighter..." The only question I really had was, "When?" and the only thing that came back was, "Soon". And that was it.
Firefighter? Are you sure that is what you heard? How do you know you didn't just pick that word?
Here's the thing, people have questioned and maybe even judged that I was the one who picked out the word, but I know in my heart that I didn't. Logically, it wouldn't make sense. As a kid I was afraid of fire. I hated lighting matches, I would freak out anytime my parents would light the fireplace, and I had no relations/interest in firefighters. Doctors from ER episodes, a lifeguard from Baywatch, that I could understand. I didn't just pick a word in my head that night...it is what I heard.
So a couple years go by and still, no firefighter. I had prayed to God many times about it, because I was trying to crack the code of the time of "soon." I was probably 25 or 26 at the time and what I "heard" was the number 28. I remember this so clearly, because when I heard this I was so disappointed. My instant reaction was, "Aww, that is so far from now."
Then, my 28th birthday comes around and I am so pumped at this point. I was like yes, of course! I was going to turn 28 on October 28, which made it my Golden Birthday. I hyped it up that it was going to be such a magical year, because this is what I have been waiting for! It was going to happen. 28, soon, it has now arrived!
My golden year started off strong and I had a 1920's Great Gatsby Murder Mystery Dinner Party, I had won a couple raffles, traveled around the world, got my health problems in order, and so many more beautiful things that happened that I'll write another blog post some day. But, instead of focusing on all these blessings, the one thing that was always on the back of my mind was, "Where is the firefighter?"
So, for the month of September 2018 I started to freak out. I started to feel like Cinderella and the time was going to run out, that when October 27th 2018 struck midnight, all the hopes and dreams that I've been waiting for would, *Poof*, vanish, and it was all a false lie and misunderstanding that I have been chasing for the past 5 years. I got desperate. I found this necklace that I decided I would wear every single day and not take it off until my 29th Birthday. That lasted for about a week. This innocent little necklace started to feel more like a collar full of chains, more than a sign of hope.
With frustration and disappointment in one hand and trying to hold on to the faith in the other hand, I made the decision that I had to let go of both outcomes. For the first time, I took this "firefighter" topic to The Bible to seek some answers. I looked up how many times fire showed up and what stories and verses mentioned it. There are at least 45 biblical verses that mention fire. Fire was a way God physically showed up in the Bible. Fire, signified trials and tribulations. Fire was used for burnt offerings, a sign of wrath, but also a sign of life.
Ultimately, what I learned was maybe there wasn't a firefighter waiting for me on my 28th year of life. Maybe I was the firefighter this whole time and I wasn't going to realize it until then. The biggest fire that I had to fight these past 5 years was the fire of being single and maybe even learning what that means, the fire of fighting for God through all these trials and questions, and my ultimate fire of letting go of what I think my life should have been by now.
I am a Fire-Fighter.
What about the word soon? What does that mean? In my opinion I believe it is a deeper meaning than "immediate" or "Shortly". Jesus even described He would be back soon, and yet 2000+ years later, soon is still to be determined. That is the mystery of time, we don't really know how it's measured and what it all means. "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while, and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)
Let me know blog followers, what are some of the fires you have held onto for some many years or some fires that you are still fighting through!
Photo Credit: https://media.defense.gov/2005/May/13/2000582905/780/780/0/050429-F-0017M-021.JPG
