Day 1 Blog Challenge-Tattoos

Dear Blog Followers,

For the month of November I’ll be taking on a blog challenge. In the midst of living in a busy school year and holiday season, I think there is no better way for me to take time every day to reflect a bit and just write. Thanks to Mandy Hale 31 Day Challenge #YouAreEnough Post, she has inspired me to keep on writing. Join in if you get the chance!

The topic for this blog: ” Talk about a tattoo you have that is meaningful to you…or if you don’t have any tattoos, the tattoo you would get if you were going to get one.”

I don’t have any tattoos and I  never really had the desire to get one. Hearing other people’s stories about them does fascinate me though, because there is usually some type of meaning behind them. Even the ones that were mistakenly and permanently printed still have some type of story attached, which usually make it even that more fascinating.

Even though I don’t have physical outward tattoos, I feel that my tattoos are tattooed in the inside of my body. You can’t see them, but I have plenty of stories to tell. If the inside of my body could tell a story on the outside, I think my body would be covered with countless tattoos. My tattoos would be of the places I have traveled to and all the people I met abroad, the tattoos would be of all the song lyrics to every song I have become obsessed with, bible verses that can’t escape my heart, every family member that has taught me to love and be loved,  every child that has impacted my life in some way, guys that have influenced me my perspective on love, friends that have made me laugh and cry until I couldn’t anymore, and the list goes on.

Let me know blog followers of the stories of your tattoos or which ones you would get?

These are the things I had to say.

-DreaSaidiT

The Fire-Fighter within Me

Dear Blog Followers,

For the past 5ish years I've been convinced that I was going to end up with a firefighter. After my last relationship about 6 years ago I had prayed to God asking Him that the next person I date would be the last person I date. Which, by the way, I don't recommend saying that prayer out loud, unless you really mean it. Looking back, I would have probably really reflected on that. Just giving you fair warning :)

Back to the story. So, as I was dozing off and falling asleep that night,  I "heard" a voice in my head that said, "Firefighter" and I said, "yeah, firefighter..." The only question I really had was, "When?" and the only thing that came back was, "Soon". And that was it. 

Firefighter? Are you sure that is what you heard? How do you know you didn't just pick that word? 

Here's the thing, people have questioned and maybe even judged that I was the one who picked out the word, but I know in my heart that I didn't. Logically, it wouldn't make sense. As a kid I was afraid of fire. I hated lighting matches, I would freak out anytime my parents would light the fireplace, and I had no relations/interest in firefighters. Doctors from ER episodes, a lifeguard from Baywatch, that I could understand. I didn't just pick a word in my head that night...it is what I heard. 

So a couple years go by and still, no firefighter. I had prayed to God many times about it, because I was trying to crack the code of the time of "soon." I was probably 25 or 26 at the time and what I "heard" was the number 28. I remember this so clearly, because when I heard this I was so disappointed. My instant reaction was, "Aww, that is so far from now."

Then, my 28th birthday comes around and I am so pumped at this point. I was like yes, of course! I was going to turn 28 on October 28, which made it my Golden Birthday. I hyped it up that it was going to be such a magical year, because this is what I have been waiting for! It was going to happen. 28, soon, it has now arrived!

My golden year started off strong and I had a 1920's Great Gatsby Murder Mystery Dinner Party, I had won a couple raffles, traveled around the world, got my health problems in order, and so many more beautiful things that happened that I'll write another blog post some day. But, instead of focusing on all these blessings, the one thing that was always on the back of my mind was, "Where is the firefighter?"

So, for the month of September 2018 I started to freak out. I started to feel like Cinderella and the time was going to run out, that when October 27th 2018 struck midnight, all the hopes and dreams that I've been waiting for would, *Poof*, vanish, and it was all a false lie and misunderstanding that I have been chasing for the past 5 years. I got desperate. I found this necklace that I decided I would wear every single day and not take it off until my 29th Birthday. That lasted for about a week. This innocent little necklace started to feel more like a collar full of chains, more than a sign of hope.

With frustration and disappointment in one hand and trying to hold on to the faith in the other hand, I made the decision that I had to let go of both outcomes.  For the first time, I took this "firefighter" topic to The Bible to seek some answers. I looked up how many times fire showed up and what stories and verses mentioned it. There are at least 45 biblical verses that mention fire. Fire was a way God physically showed up in the Bible. Fire, signified trials and tribulations. Fire was used for burnt offerings, a sign of wrath, but also a sign of life. 

Ultimately, what I learned was maybe there wasn't a firefighter waiting for me on my 28th year of life. Maybe I was the firefighter this whole time and I wasn't going to realize it until then. The biggest fire that I had to fight these past 5 years was the fire of being single and maybe even learning what that means, the fire of fighting for God through all these trials and questions, and my ultimate fire of letting go of what I think my life should have been by now.

 I am a Fire-Fighter. 

What about the word soon? What does that mean? In my opinion I believe it is a deeper meaning than "immediate" or "Shortly". Jesus even described He would be back soon, and yet 2000+ years later, soon is still to be determined. That is the mystery of time, we don't really know how it's measured and what it all means.  "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while, and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)

Let me know blog followers, what are some of the fires you have held onto for some many years or some fires that you are still fighting through!


Photo Credit: https://media.defense.gov/2005/May/13/2000582905/780/780/0/050429-F-0017M-021.JPG

What celebrity couples have taught me about my next relationship

Dear Blog Followers,

I don't care how many times my heart has been broken or how many messed up relationships there are out there. I still think being in the RIGHT relationship is one of the best things we can experience in life. We all have different definitions of right, so I'm not even going to define that. Who am I to judge anyways? I think Hollywood gets a lot of negative attention on marriages and relationships that have failed, but what about the couples that are actually living out a positive experience as the world watches them?

Lately, I have been watching old interviews of celebrity couples that I think are just great couples and I had to ask myself, what makes them so great? Here are the ones that I have enjoyed watching:

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw

Ok, so here are my observations and big take aways from them.

First off, I noticed that these people are really strong individuals. They seem to have experienced their own lives, have struggled on their own, and seem to be down to earth, private people. Something has clicked in me that 2 strong individuals make a really strong couple. They seem to have a direction with or without their partners. It doesn't seem that they are trying to mold into their partner and be someone that they are not. It seems they are who they and are individually respected and accepted for that. 

The second observation, when they talked about their spouses they only talked about them in a positive way.  The positives were about uplifting their partners and praising them. They would talk about the other how they are as parents, directors, actress', actors, etc. Sure when the camera is on it might be easy to cover the fights and down talking, but regardless it's a reminder to lift up your partner.

I hope in my next relationship I can continue to be a strong individual . I am all about being a team player and working as a partner, but if I rely on the next guy to fulfill my happiness, then I see that it's already set up to fail. I can say this because I have done that in past. It's too much unnecessary pressure to put on someone. You know how many times I didn't even know what I wanted and expected someone else to know for me and then get mad them, because they didn't know? It's a terrible cycle and I really think recognizing that would help a lot of relationships become healthier and stronger.

Also, I know in the past I have been so quick to put my partner down on the things they did wrong rather than really uplift them on what they are doing well. I'm not saying it's always going to be a walk through the park and if you do these things you'll have the most perfect relationship. I already know it's going to take a lot of work to hold my tongue, thoughts, etc. However, I really hope that we will bring each other good than look at our partner as a burden or mistake. And if you do look at your partner as a burden, well it takes small steps to change your perspective. 

I have a lot more to say about my thoughts about relationships, especially while being abroad by myself I had A LOT of time to reflect. I can't wait to share with you, but for now let me know: Do you agree, disagree, have more to add, and who are your celebrity couples that you enjoy or just couples in general that you look up to? 

These are things I had to say.

Investing in your health

One of my first meals!

Dear Blog Followers,

I wanted to share some steps that I have decided to take in making changes to my health choices and I hope that you will find some encouragement in finding some steps that may work for you too.

Let me first start off by saying that investing in your health is well....an investment. It's an investment in money, time, and overall lifestyle. Why does whole, natural food cost more than processed? I have no idea, but what I do know is that I am willing to pay the extra for the stuff that will help me feel better in the long run. 

The past couple months I have felt a little like the Mad Hatter without the Hatter part. I've been moody, anxious, and it's all because I'm running on a treadmill that is called, "satisfaction." One problem that I am having is that the button seems to be broken, because I can't get off of it. Is anyone out there? Does anyone else relate to this in some way?

So, instead of being stuck on this never ending dread-mill, I' mean treadmill,  I have decided to jump off of it.  Because, somewhere along the way, I lost feeling and now I'm on a quest to take back my joy, my dreams, and passions. 

Everything that I wrote in red above was truly how I was feeling before March 26. On March 26, I started a whole 30 diet, which was to help me reset my body, so that later on I could find foods that make my  body react. I broke my diet 3-4 times since then, but thankfully I still feel I'm doing ok with gathering the data that I'm hoping to gain from this experience. 

Some of you know that I was "diagnosed" with PCOS and for 11 years I have been dealing with specific symptoms. Doctors would tell me that there is no cure, but you can only treat the symptoms with one specific pill 😒.  Of course it would be the automatic response coming from a doctors mouth. It's never going to be that you have to change your lifestyle, eating habits, etc. I have a love/hate relationship with doctors and medicine, but I'll save that rant for another post. That pill that they recommended by the way was a band aide "solution" and it made me super depressed that there was no way I going to continue to be on it. 

I am glad that I questioned my doctors and looked further into other ways of getting treatment. I ended up hiring a nutritionist that I found through a family member and you guys won't believe it, but the symptoms that I have struggled with my whole life started to disappear. I can't completely confirm that all the symptoms are gone, because I'm still testing it and I won't know for another month or 2, but so far, I'm living a more balanced and normal life. 

I didn't do this journey by myself, because again, I have invested in my health.  I have received the help from a nutritionist, counselor, and an exercise class called, Barre, which have kept me accountable and focused on my health. I write this post to encourage you. Whatever you are going through, whether it's been for a short time or a really long time, my hope and prayer is that you don't give up in finding the help that you believe in. It took me 11 years to find someone that cared about my case, that asked more about my health and spent hours talking to me rather than asking about insurance and only seeing me for 15 minutes, if that. FIND THE HELP and pay the cost! It's your health on the line. You can have a life where you feel "normal" and energized, but it's up to YOU if you are going to make the change and invest in your health.

Let me know blog followers about your journeys, questions, or thoughts on this topic! I'll update you more about the rest of my journey soon. 

Find That Fire

Dear Blog Followers,

It's been a long time since I have written something on this blog. Part of it is that I haven't made time and second I haven't found something worth writing about until today. Life has been busy. Busy with noise. Busy with news. Busy with schedules. Busy with complaints. Busy with problems. Busy with goodness. Busy with blessings. Busy isn't always bad and we sometimes oversee the good things in the busyness of it all. 

I have to admit that through the busyness I have developed a friendship. You might know him too. He goes by the name, Anxiousness. Unfortunately, it's the type of friend that checks in with me on a daily basis, unannounced, uninvited, at work, at home, through joyous occasions and even more when I have a deadline to meet. But you know what? Today, I found out that anxiousness is not really my friend. He is the problem that I am having with my health, and confidence, and pretty much anything that can bring me good.

I was talking to friend (this is a real person now) today where I was venting about how how I'm having a hard time and questioning if I'm even at the right place(work, life, etc). The answer that my friend gave me was, "Find that Fire". In that moment that was exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't need to hear, "You're doing a good job" or "It's all going to be ok." I needed to hear something that would help me to be proactive in seeking something that I don't know that is missing.

The word fire has a deeper meaning to me. My close friends and family are probably smiling, rolling their eyes, and thinking...oh geez not again with the firefighter theory (still crossing my fingers lol :) But, really in this case fire means, keeping me alive. What is that one thing that you are excited to be alive for? That's the fire I need to find.

Be on fire for God. Be on fire for your family. Be on fire for finding something that is helping others. Be on fire for taking time to rest. Be on fire to exercise and to commit to health changes. Be on fire to stand up for what you believe in. 

My struggle as a teacher is that I'm only on Fire when I'm on break, because during the week I'm too busy trying to entertain anxiousness, but today I realized I'm probably not on fire for anything that excites me. I'm on a journey to find that fire. It might mean taking a risk, or doing something that isn't me. It might mean doing something I have never done to gain something I have never had. I don't know what that is yet. 

So blog followers, my question to you is, did you find your fire or are you still on that journey of finding that fire. There is no right or wrong and who knows maybe we are constantly finding new fires. The good news is they can be pretty to look at of course when they under control. 

These are things I had to say.

#DreaSaidIt

P.S.: side note, but I have been listening to "Swagger" by Flogging Molly on repeat for the past 1hour and 1/2 and not until now do I notice that the only lyrics are "I don't know where I'm going". How fitting.